Smiley Faces Part Of NMU Design Plans From The Beginning

A r t i c l e  b y  E t a n  S h o r t z

MARQUETTE, MI -- According to retired architects formerly contracted by Northern Michigan University, the now infamous smiley faces have been a part of initial construction plans from the beginning.

   "Yeah, I'm not sure why the original West Science smiles got cut from the final plans," said Brad Richards, retired bricklayer. "When we [the contracted bricklayers] first saw the design plans, we thought something wasn't quite right with whoever came up with them. But the more we thought about it, the more we liked the idea."

   Richards said just about all of his co-workers ended up supporting the concept. The change in plans came from top level University officials, who ran away from us when we tried to reach them for comment. They seemed to be frowning instead of smiling.

   "They say the smiley patterns were put into the facade by a disgruntled bricklayer," Richards added. "But I think the only facade around here is them. What's wrong with displaying happiness?"

   Sam Runnin, a retired University administrator who was employed many many years ago, said that he believed NMU couldn't make up it's mind what it really wanted. "First they wanted the smiles in, then they didn't. Then they thought it would be cute and funny, then they thought it would be unprofessional. Like [we] really knew what professional was in the first place!"

   When contacted, Closner Construction [currently working on the Seaborg Center] refused to comment on whether the smiles were part of the original design. Senior vice assistant president Adam Brads shook his head back and forth and kept repeating "it'll go away, it'll go away!"

   We were, however, able to recover some sections of original plans and artist's renditions that reveal a different story. The pictures to the left and below right show that someone at the University, whether an individual or a highly organized but very secret and powerful group, is trying to do more than turn any frown upside down.

   Students seem to be the only ones willing to speak out in favor of the doomed smiley faces. "Someone should be smiling around here," said Sally Drothers, Sophomore. "God knows I'm not."

   "I like the faces. They make me happy. They represent to me the ability of all humans to rise above corporate institutionalized oppression and just be okay with themselves," said a third year Political Science major who refused to give his name.

   Richards added, "It could be worse. If the patterns had come merely from a disgruntled bricklayer, NMU could have ended up with Nazi symbols, or a list of supposedly easy women. Maybe it's just me, but I'd take smiles over just about any of that. Except maybe that list..."

   For now it seems the smiles will disappear at Northern Michigan University. Whether they show up later will be left to future administrational whim.