Hotpot Initiative Gains Momentum

A r t i c l e  b y  E t a n  S h o r t z

MARQUETTE, MI -- The new Hotpot Program (THC Initiative) has been gaining momentum in the last month, on the campus of Northern Michigan University. Those who were given trial hotpots during the startup analysis have been enjoying their newfound freedom, and the administration looks forward to the day where everyone will be buying this educational technology.

   The Initiative was created by Geoff Hineman, staff columnist for the NorthWind, who had hoped to get a $42,000 raise by being so creative. Unfortunately, Judy's security force kidnapped him from the student paper's office and Geoff has not been seen since.

   "Sure it might look bad to someone who doesn't really fully understand what we're doing here," said Cohodas Ringmaster Dread Joyal. "But you have to understand that only certain people can really bring to this initiative the success it deserves. With Judy at the helm, we're sure to gain marketshare."

   Judy could not be reached for comment, as she was attending a final meeting between the two top bidders, General Electric and Black & Decker. More people favor and use the General Electric version, but the B&D hotpots have been offered at $1.00 less a unit.

   "I can't wait to be able to make Romulan Noodles between classes!" said freshman Tony Mystonie. "We only have ten minutes, five if you count the time it takes to plug the thing in. This is great!"

   Some groups on campus are not as excited about the new program. The Food Engineering Majors are among the most vocal.

   "What the hell can you do with a hotpot!" said someone who we believe to be a teacher over in that Jacobetti thing over there. "Anyone with any knowledge of a kitchen knows that it's practically evil to think you can live off the stuff those things puke out."

   On what we hope is not a related note, there seems to be something different in the air around Cohodas. There has been a purple, redish glow that shines day and night and seems to focus on the top floor, where strange shadows can be seen through dark windows. Chicken feathers have also been found near the front door, though the remains of any chickens have yet to be found.

   When we tried to find out why all the top administrators have taken to wearing black robes and walking around in single file, we were ignored. By that point, our attention span gave out and we went over to University "Center" for some undercooked chicken sandwiches.