Housing Contest Continues A r t i c l e b y E t a n S h o r t z MARQUETTE, MI -- In what has become one of the more talked about bets on NMU's campus this last year, Academic Computing ThinkPad Wire Installer Mark seems to be winning his wager against Chip, in the Financial Aid Department, on where the University will stash all the new students that will soon be enrolled. "As soon as I heard Judy talk about all those new students coming in, I knew I had it sinched." Said Mark. "It's a sure thing!" "Bastard." Added Chip. Chip believed he would win until an unconfirmed rumor began circulating among the tables in the former Wild Cat Den. "It is from very reliable sources and confirmed by housing department representatives that if unchanged by January, the date of announcement, housing and residence life will deny on campus housing to upperclassmen and third year sophmores at NMU. This will place 200-250 present oncampus students off campus looking for housing next fall, to make room for incoming 200-250 freshman." Though we here at The...TRUTH hate to report anything that is not fully confirmed and validated, we felt it was our duty to bring you this information anyway. If you currently live in one of the undergraduate dorms, you may want to start lining up a tent or cardbox box now, before the rush begins. One solution, mentioned by a dark underling of the president's office, is to have undergraduate students compete for the available housing. This would help make sure that only the "top students" were able to get a degree from N.M.U. The dark underling also gave us a photograph intended for future brochures, if this policy goes into effect. President Bailif's predictions and prophecies say that we will have an influx of students at NMU numbering in the millions, by the year 2002. When asked what basis she had for making these statements, she would only roll her eyes around and mutter something about "...trending.... laptops...." The office of Housing and Residence GetALife has made plans for ordering 5,000 two-person tents, to be made available to students at $395 per semester. "Sounds fair," said Freshman Tudy Rearagen. "They have as much space in them as the dorm rooms do now, plus the air conditioning in the summer will be better." "Trend this," added Chip. "I'll pay up if I have to, but it's not a fair bet. I think he knew something I didn't." Mark beat him up.
| ||||||||
